Thursday, 25 June 2009

Transformers: Revence of the Fallen - Review

Dir: Michael Bay
Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Peter Cullen, Hugo Weaving.

I just want to point out that I'm a fan of the first movie. Normally I hate Michael Bay and have never subscribed to "awesomeness = tits and blowing shit up" that seems to be his cinematic philosophy but the first film had just the right balance of crazy action sequences (this was a movie about giant transforming robots beating the crap out of each other remember so I EXPECT action), light hearted comedic relief and intrigue. This film had none of that.

No, that's not right, it had all of it (well except the intrigue) but just not in the right proportions. There's more action, more "comic" relief, more robots, more explosions, a grander scope with more locations. So why was it so dull?! The pacing was terrible. The action sequences were instantly forgettable (a possible exception being an Optimus Prime with two swords versus the entire Deceptacon force in a wood - that was quite good), the finale was a mixture of dragged out pointless moments and rushed important bits.

The coolest characters are sidelined for the annoyingly unfunny comic relief ones (the Twins, oh GOD the Twins - racial stereotype ghetto robots!). There's no sense that anyone is ever in danger (too many people come back from the dead in this film!). The Geography is questionable, the history is laughable (I can accept alien influence inspiring the Pyramids of whatever but what this film suggests in inside them - and that nobody noticed...?), the dodgy British accents, the many MANY pointless characters who could have been cut altogether without impacting the film AT ALL! (that includes the titular Fallen).
Megan Fox looks terrible throughout and the rest of the cast fail to make be believe even a moment of it. Too many Baywatch-style slow mo moment (slow-mo is useful in the robot on robot fights as it lets you admire the admirable work ILM have done - I'll be fair the robots DO look amazing and you do almost forget that the best actors and characters in this film aren't even real and were never on set).

No this film is too long, incomprehensibly shot, woodenly acted and just plain stupid but its greatest sin is that it's BORING! The first film was anything but.

I normally advise people go see mediocre sequels just on the off chance they like it more than I do, or just to get closure or whatever, but this film does nothing, is nothing and offers nothing. It's a waste of time and money, ours and the people who made it.

SCORE: 2/10

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